With Christmas looming, I could not help but think at about the people in my life. It has been 4 years since my life fell apart, since I lost everything I held dear save for my son. I have had many friends or should I say people I thought were friends and realised many stayed for the feast and leave for the famine.
I have learnt during the last four years about true friendship and can honestly say today that I have 4 true friends, of course I have many acquaintances and colleagues but true friends 4. Those who would run to my aid when needed and those I can simply pick up the phone and chat because something silly had happened and I simply wanted to tell them about it.
We all have different relationships with different friends, the friend you can talk to about absolute rubbish, the friend you can tell your most intimate secrets to, the friend you can turn to for serious advice and the friend you’ve known forever, no matter what they will always be there. Friendship is a combination of these things and as life takes over you learn to choose who can handle your woes at any given time and those that need you to pick them up and indeed those that will take your criticism without offence. These are your true friends. I have written about friendship before, about give and take but it is not a scoreboard. I do for you so you have to do for me. If this is what you believe, then you don’t understand friendship. It is about wanting to help your friend out because they are indeed a friend.
I truly love mine and hopefully, our friendships will endure regardless of what life throws at us. One such friend Anna helped me during the Chelsea Christmas fair and another Zahida turned up in case we needed further help. That is friendship. Anna travelled for hours the day before and arrived at the venue on Sunday morning full of beans and optimism. She made me believe that we would have an amazing day. She perked me up throughout the day and was truly amazing and yes, we had an extremely successful day. Her life now is full of turmoil but she knew I needed her and she put aside her woes to help me. God put her in my path and at the right time in my life. I believe that we meet people for a reason and it is God’s way of saying you need this person in your life, you need each other. Whether you believe in God or not something out there knows you are in need. Friendship is about trust and being there during the good and bad times. We all have strengths and weaknesses, we use our strengths to help them, and we use their strengths to help us. This makes for a powerful combination and you would be surprised how this can make your life so much better. Support of any kind from a friend is paramount, not only to your mental wellbeing but also to your physical wellbeing.
The Spice girls talked about girl power. At the time, I use to laugh and think how pathetic but how right they were. Some men do not understand the friendships that develop between women. The husband of a friend of mine, use to refer to me as her lesbian friend. Ridiculous!!!! He could not understand the friendship, the closeness between two women and I assure you there is nothing sexual about our relationship. Saying that, I have to say my relationship with men can be disastrous and sometimes I think life would be far simpler if I could fancy women but unfortunately, I was not, made that way. Women understand women it is as simple as that. I’ve noticed that my friends can hear in my voice how I’m feeling even though they can’t see my face., they know my moods even when I try to hide it. That is friendship and that is love. Men seem to be oblivious of this.
I have not known Anna for years but our friendship has developed in such a way that I feel I have always known her. There is a considerable age gap between us and yes, she is my friend, but I also see her as a mother figure. If I’m not feeling well, I call her for advice as I use to do with my mother years ago. If I’m feeling down, I call her, and she makes me feel better. Anna is my rock and lately I have felt so much stronger and my confidence has soared. Anna has been through so much in her life and honestly, if I did not know her I would not believe it. Most of us would have folded, given it all up and say, I cannot do this anymore. Her strength and endurance is inspirational and makes me feel ashamed of myself when I allow my woes to take over my life. (I will be writing Anna’s story soon)
We are taught about heaven and hell but I’m sure you have heard the expression ‘hell on earth’ Well I believe that living on this planet can be hell on earth and we are being tested every day and what will get us through it are friends!!!!
Friends can come in many forms because we have such different characters and personas but that does not make them any less a true friend because their characters are different to yours. True friends will help you move, true friends will help you move on and true friends will always be there for you. Value your friendships do not take them for granted. Learn who your true friends are and use their strengths to succeed in life or simply to get through life.
True friendships are for life not just for Christmas.