It’s The Party Season
Yep it’s that time of year again, drinking and eating far too much, the constant invites and the unwillingness to say no, until you peruse that vast wardrobe and discover you have nothing to wear. The truth is you have many outfits just nothing that fits. I went from a size 10 to a size 14 in such a short period and felt fat. It’s as simple as that. It was Wednesday and the boat party was on Thursday, what was I going to do. Yes, before you think it, go shopping. Shopping is great when you feel comfortable in your own skin. I do not, I feel ugly and extremely overweight and thus shopping makes me feel depressed.
Tuesday night I took a water pill. Ladies water pills are not good for your kidneys and doctors are extremely reluctant to prescribe them but when your feet are so swollen that you end up at the doctor’s surgery in your flip-flops because you can’t put a pair of shoes on, trust me after a little begging they will prescribe it. I am not suggesting you do this but I did. After running to the toilet throughout the night, I weighed myself the following morning and discovered I was 5 lbs lighter. However, remember this was excess water, not fat loss.
Next salt water flush, I read this will reduce your weight by at least 7 to 8 lbs. I boiled a 1 litre of water and added 3 teaspoons of sea salt. It is recommended to use sea salt or Himalayan pink salt. Now ladies seriously!!! If you do this please ensure you stay extremely close to the bathroom. Not pretty, stomach cramps and poohing until you feel like your organs are also being flushed out. I visited the bathroom about 4 times in a period of 6 hours. What was I thinking? The whole experience was vile. It was as if Niagara Falls was coming out of my arse. Where was VIP Pooh when I needed it? However, desperate times lead to desperate measures. I knew this would not entail fat loss but would reduce my stomach somewhat and I had hoped something would fit.
I put myself through hell and clearly had high expectations for the final results, which, clearly was bitterly disappointing to say the least. ‘Desperate measure’ yeah right how about stupid, ignorant measures. I had lost an additional 6 lbs and ladies please take note this is really a colon cleanse and all this salt water flush did was clean my colon. My stomach however had gone down a bit and I could, actually, see my feet mmm seriously needed a pedicure, but was it worth it, hell no!!!!
How many You Tube videos have we watched? Lose 6lbs in two days; lose 6lbs of what, water? I had 6 events this month and that did not include meeting the girls down the pub. These are business events, you know the little black dress type of event. I went through my wardrobe and tried on numerous outfits, I kid you not, I could not even get a bum cheek in. Stunning outfits!!! That looked great in the wardrobe but not on me.
I stood in front of the mirror completely naked and realised that my breasts and arse had gone south and clearly not just for the winter, unless I did something about it. If I walked around the house naked, my tits would sweep the floor and my arse would polish it. I had bat wings and is it even possible to have fat knees, well I did.
I reluctantly headed out shopping with that feeling of dread. I walked into shop after shop with absolutely no success. Why did I let it come to this? I did the whole; I will start tomorrow but tomorrow never came. Procrastination is one of my worst traits and clearly, unless I mastered, this start today. It would always come back to bite me on the arse. Time had escaped me, I always think I have enough time to do this or that and clearly I have no concept of time. Gone are the days of starving myself for a week to get into that size 8 dress. At my age, staving seems to make me put on weight. I have heard people say muscle is heavier that fat. Please ladies let’s think about this, 1lb of fat is equal to 1 lb of muscle, the difference, fat takes up more space than muscle.
This reminded me of a cruise I went on in my youth with a girlfriend. We travelled to Denmark to visit a friend and her family. Our friend thought we should spend a few days on this cruise from Denmark to Helsinki. When we booked we did not realise this boat was referred to as the love boat. Anyway, 90% of the passengers were single. To cut a long story very short that night we dressed up for dinner and ended up at one of the clubs. Later in the evening, my friend told me to take my time coming back to the cabin; well this only meant one thing she had met someone. The next morning after walking the deck, falling asleep on one of the sofas, I came back to the cabin and asked her how was it? Well. apparently, she did not have sex!!! I had spent the night like a vagrant and she didn’t even have sex? She told me she had put on a girdle type undergarment and when this stunning man said you have an amazing body, she could not bring herself to strip, as all the flab would go splat on the bed. Mental pictures stayed with me for the rest of the day. Seriously ladies!!! not a good image. Two people weighing the same but one with muscle mass and the other with very little muscle, who do you think will look slimmer?
We all fall for these fad diets, why? Because we all want a quick fix but quick fixes do not work. They are not a long-term solution. I know you don’t want to hear this but the truth it’s about changing your mind set and yes have a cheat day. Have that one day of the week when you can eat what you want, what your heart desires and the rest of the week eat healthily and exercise. Easier said than done. Let’s be honest it is slightly easier to do when you don’t have children. My son was away for the summer and my eating habits changed so much that I had lost 1 stone in 6 weeks. However, within a month of his return I was back to my old habits, not his fault just lack of will power on my part.
They say it is so important to be organised. Prepare your menu for the week and stick to it. Many actually cook everything for the week and put in in the fridge. When it was just me that was easy but with children, not so easy. What with the sweetie draw and the chocolate spread in the cupboard, I had no hope.
I should say be happy in your own skin, be happy with who you are but what I’m actually saying to you is, don’t do as I do, do as I say and that would be a lie. Do what makes you happy but remember a minute on the lips leads to a lifetime on the hips.
In any event, it’s Christmas, let’s indulge and think about that New Year’s resolution and try hard to stick to it.